Monday, December 17, 2012

It's Become a Home

I know this sounds preposterous,
but today for the first time in months and months, 
I allowed myself to believe 
that there was an end to building this house.

After 20 months, it would seem logical 
that I should have been anticipating this day for ages.

But for the past six months, 
I've had such tunnel vision that I haven't been anticipating the end result.

There's been no looking forward to the prize at the end of the race.

Just keeping my head down and plowing forward day to day.
It's the only way that I've known how to keep my sanity.

One day at a time. 


Yett tonight after we cleared away the Ram-Board from the kitchen floor, 
put our old Hoosier hutch together again 
and moved my great grandmothers sideboard into the dining room, 
it felt like it was going to be home.

My home at long last.

And the remaining "one day at a time" workdays and nights in the trailer
are so few remaining
that I can at last allow myself to see the end. 

there have been fifteen months of floating and feeling unsettled. 

I've had vast stretches of time for reflection as I've been painting and sanding
and I feel certain that the work I've been doing on the new house
 is something that I've needed to do 
in order to help me fall in love with the house.

To become invested in it so that I could give it my heart.

And I have....
It's my house now 
and I love it dearly already though I haven't spent a single night inside it.

Change doesn't come easy to me.

If you remember that I'm the woman who
recently lamented the loss of her ancient clothes dryer
it's easier to put the magnitude of an entirely new home into perspective.

Pretty strange,
 I know,
but that's me.

3 comments:

  1. In a few weeks THIS will be the new normal. You will never want to move again!

    ReplyDelete

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